Monday, January 28, 2008

Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH) and Foreign Policy

Dear George,

The last thing a corpse does when it croaks is to pee. It may be just a dribble, but it doesn’t matter. Piss is piss no matter how paltry the pee. It is the same when an empire croaks, except that the dying empire pisses bucket after bucket, and the pissing can go on for decades.

This pretty much explains your administration’s foreign policy. The problem is, Big Guy, that Washington is hampered by a case of Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH), because only droplets are falling on the world

A fool once said that the purpose of becoming a great power is to fight a great war. The secret to staying a great power is to not fight a great war, which is really kind of a dumb thing for a sage to say because having all that military might and not using it would be fiscally irresponsible.

The fact is, George, your administration is dying. Soon, you and your Neocon minions will be sent packing. Between now and then, you’ve got to do some pretty powerful pissing. The world is beginning to think America is a paper tiger and it is snickering at our pompous posturing.

In the good old days, a socialist like Chaves would have been laid out of a mortician’s gurney as soon as he took power. Instead, he is rallying Latin America to break the benevolent chains that have held the area in their embrace since the invention of the Monroe Doctrine. Now he and other countries have created the Banco del Sur (Bank of the South) that will thumb its nose at the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and the World Bank. It is a blot on the United States unblemished reputation that we are allowing this to happen.

Something like this is bound to create a domino effect as the countries we have traditionally kept under our heel begin to realize that the heel is attached to an arthritic knee that is attached to an arthritic hip that really can’t exert that much pressure. My God, Ecuador topped them all by declaring the country’s World Bank representative a persona non grata and kicking his ass out!

The terrible irony is that at no time in history has an American administration been in a better position to whip it out and drown the world in its urine. You have the media in your back pocket, the public basically doesn’t give a shit and Congress is controlled by a craven group of Democrats whose sole talent is whimpering in frightened submission.

Thank God NATO leadership has supplied you with the multiple cases of beer that will fill your bladder to overflowing. Five western military leaders have prepared a paper for an upcoming NATO meeting. In it they reach a conclusion that is brilliant in its simplistic reasoning. They proclaim that, “The first use of nuclear weapons must remain in the quiver of escalation as the ultimate instrument to prevent the use of weapons of mass destruction.” (By God, Big Guy, I’ve always said there is no better way to create madness than to lock a bunch of old men and a room and ask them to draft a policy.)

You know and I know that the western values are under threat from political fanaticism, religious fundamentalism, and the imminent spread of nuclear weapons, which is another way of describing our foreign policy. Of course, we implement this policy by blaming the Muslim's for our stench. As Paul Craig Roberts points out at the above link, “Only Muslims are fanatics. All us white guys are rational and sane.”

Western values and Corporatist values are one in the same. These values control the world. However, as natives the world over come to see the emptiness of our values, it may be necessary to reinforce them with a series of mushroom clouds. The courage to think the unthinkable is what makes the unthinkable thinkable.

I know things are looking a little grim for you right now, but you must cling to the belief that your bladder is still refillable and that you have 358 days left to flood the world with your values.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones

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