Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Teflon Magnolia

Dear George,

My, how the liberals are dumping on Sarah Palin. Babies, firings, pregnancies, earmarks and legislative investigations are all crawling out of the woodwork. Pundits don’t think she’ll last until the election; liberals are questioning McCain’s judgment in picking an poorly-vetted running mate.

Pundits and liberals all forget that Karl Rove is running this campaign, and Karl Rove makes no mistakes.

Look at a photograph of the woman: she has Teflon® written all over her. She is solid, middle class and an evangelical. Soccer moms look at her and see a neighbor who might drop by for a cup of coffee; NASCAR dads look at her and see a good looking woman who can handle a gun.

As for her daughter’s pregnancy, forget about it. Christians get off on stories of sin (pregnancy out of wedlock) and redemption (her daughter’s going to marry the father). Having the father show up at the convention was a stroke of Rovian genius.

The same is true with the scandals surrounding her governorship. They’re nothing more than sour grapes from a Republican machine she refused to play ball with.

Do not think for a moment that the public gives a damn about her lack of experience. Eight years ago, a former governor with absolutely no experience was appointed president, and in eight years, that governor hasn’t learned a damn thing. This only goes to show that experience is no longer a prerequisite for the presidency.

Not since Warren Harding has the Oval Office seen such ineptitude. Dumb presidents make for strong corporations, which is why big business loves them.

The bottom line is that America’s next president will be a woman who knows how to shoot terrorists from an airplane with one hand while signing anti-gay legislation with the other.

By Election Day, she will be America’s sweetheart and McCain will ride into the presidency on her skirttails.

It always amazes how Karl can be such a genius when he doesn’t smoke anything.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones

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