Dear George,

We have a problem with polls. I’m not talking about the polls that show your popularity in the subbasement of the public’s affection. The last thing an authoritarian leader cares about is what anybody thinks about him. Rather, I am talking about those poles that contradict the many mythologies that keep the proles satisfied and silent.

One of the prime myths that keep them in their place is the belief that America is the land of opportunity and social mobility where hard work, contacts and some creative ass kissing are all a man needs to rise to the top. Thanks to this myth, the proles blame themselves for the hardships they suffer. In their minds, they didn’t work hard enough, didn’t have the right contacts, and didn’t kiss enough asses. This diverts their attention away from the fact that the system is rigged against them from the get-go.

I’m sorry to say I have just run across a poll that confirms that this myth is the lie it is. According to the Economic Mobility Project, only six-percent of the children born to parents at the very bottom of the heap ever rise to the top. Forty-two percent of poor children grow up to be poor. They don’t even get a foot on the first rung of the ladder.

This is as it should be. Too much upward mobility would be environmentally irresponsible. America can only support a limited number of McMansions. Poverty in America is now Green Poverty since the poor consume fewer resources than the rich.

The point is that should this poll receive wide dissemination it could easily destabilize our social house of cards. Once the poor realize that they are being gamed, all hell could break loose.
My suggestion is that you issue an Executive Order mandating that all polls must be submitted to the National Security Agency for approval prior to publication. This would allow your administration to apply the appropriate ideological matrix to the poll prior to publication. The beauty of statistics is that they can be spun any old way while still giving the impression of scientific objectivity.

Exclude the polls that show your approval ratings in the dumps. They only reinforce your arrogance as you plow ahead with policies that the public abhors. The first priority is to keep our exploitive myths firmly in place. With the passage of time all myths, no matter how fanciful, become truth.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones