Sunday, July 13, 2008

Nobility and the America Way

Dear George,

It’s long overdue, this golden age of royalty we are entering. You have shown us that only nobility is fit to rule with its well-honed intellect and its impeccable bloodlines. And the best leaders are those who represent the endgame of a bloodline when the genes have weakened and the leader is a willing pawn his handlers can move across the game board with impunity.

We owe it all to our neocons who wax nostalgic over that golden age of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries when nobility ruled and the peasants knew their place. It was a bracing time when the only beverage safe to drink was either fermented or distilled. I have no doubt this is what gave that era its verve and color. It certainly gave rise to those noble virtues like drawing and quartering, burning at the stake and breaking on the wheel.

It was an age of perfect order and stability when society wallowed in the peace and harmony only a strict hierarchical order can bring. It was an age of social harmony if one ignores the thousands of peasant revolts, such as the one led by Gyorgy Doza in 1514 in which thousands of the Hungarian nobility were impaled and crucified.

It was an age when personal responsibility ruled. War and famine culled the herd insuring that only the strong survived. There were no food banks or walk-in clinics. A man either toughed it out or he croaked.

And forged secularism; a man’s choice was the church or the stake.

It wasn’t like today when whiny-wacos weep over the state of the unemployed and the hungry. It’s time for America to get regal and real. The assembly line worker who followed his father and grandfather into Ford’s River Rouge plant is personally responsible when he loses his job because Ford cuts back on production. The fault is his for choosing that career instead of medical school.

You are the first in what will soon be a long line of hereditary rulers. England has its House of York and its House of Lancaster; we have our House of Bush and our House of Clinton, with the occasional interloper filling in the gaps.

O George! Let us put an end to the democratic charade we call an election. Heredity is a much cheaper way of selecting our leaders. Some worry over what our media would do without the nonissues a presidential campaign provides. Well, hell! That’s what you have wars for. They are the American version of bread and circuses.

May your reign be eternal.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones


Freida Bee said...

This is exactly why it gives me comfort to know that Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are distantly related.

Case Wagenvoord said...

No doubt they are both unacknowledged bastard sons of royalty.