The Theater of the Commode

Dear George,

All politics is theater, a smokescreen built of empty words and third-rate stage sets. Your mastery of its illusion is why you’re sitting in the Oval Office.

Where once politics flowed from Aristotle, they now flow from MTV; where once image reflected reality, it is now conceals it. The music video with its rapid-fire cuts from scenes lasting no more than a couple of nanoseconds has given birth to the sound bite.

And this is where you have it all over the left. The left suffers from intellectual diarrhea, while the right suffers from intellectual constipation. Thank god tiny turds make the best sound bites.

The Democrats are suckers for the sound bite that comes at them like a spit ball. You let it rip and the next thing you know they are off balance, flailing all over the place trying to hit it back to you.

The sole purpose of the sound bite is to force your opponent into elaborate explanations. The more they expound and elaborate, the sounder the electorate sleeps. A public breast-fed on reality TV and celebrity gossip doesn’t want substance. They want spiffy phrases that are as empty as they are short and concise.

The less meaning a sound bite carries, the more it resonates with the electorate. I would like to suggest the following for the McCain campaign:

A wicker basket is weakest at its strongest point!

Have McCain repeat this over and over. Make it a mantra of his every television spot. Encourage the fringe right shock jocks roar it, their voices heavy with rage and indignation.

In no time, you would have a public incensed over the sorry state of the nation’s wicker baskets, and the Obama camp would be forced to declare their support for a strong national basket.

I mean, hell George, why waste time on substantive issues that require research and thought when a candidate can ride into office on a wicker basket.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones