Okay! I’ve used this before, but here it is expanded into what has to be a memorable television commercial.
(Ad opens with rear shot of man and woman in a hot tub, staring lovingly at each other.)
Voiceover: Men, worried about your performance? Does your wife snigger every time you give her that come-hither look? Can’t afford those blue pills that turn you into a raging stud?
Well, help is here!
Announcing the Ultimate HMO Erectile Dysfunction Kit: two tongue depressors and a roll of duct tape.
Ladies! Get ready for the thrill of a lifetime. Experts tell us that a well placed splinter can send a woman’s orgasm off the charts, and afterglow takes on a new meaning when a man goes down on his beloved with a flashlight and a pair of tweezers.
(Soft music plays as the man leans forward to kiss the woman. Suddenly, he cries out in pain and grabs his crotch.)
Woman: What’s wrong?
Man: Shit! They’re warping on me!
Woman: o-o-o-o! Come on baby, light my fire!