Saturday, August 15, 2009

Saving Sarah Palin

I see Sarah is making the rounds of Facebook and Twitter. That’s the New Wave for you. Time was a candidate made the rounds of the television news show, but it looks like Sarah is breaking new ground. Actually, she has to break new ground. The trouble with news shows is that they ask question and answering them is not one of Sarah’s strong skill sets.

She's using Twitter to warn America against Obama’s death panels that will snuff granny and turn her into landfill.

Unfortunately, for Sarah, this is stale news. The dust up over death panels has been around for more than one news cycle, which makes it totally yesterday.

So, I’m going to give Sarah a boost; I’m going to give her a ground-breaking vision that will put here light years ahead of the pack. I’m doing this, not because I agree with her, but because she’s hot.

Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!

Don’t quibble over which health plan is best, or whether Obama is trying to socialize medicine. Go for the gusto. Think boldly and bravely; run ahead of the curve you’re never able to find.

Issue a white paper proposing that instead of reforming health insurance, we do away with it altogether.

I mean, Jesus Christ, look at the numbers! Life expectancy in the United States is 74.37 for men and a shocking 80.06 for women. Do you know what that means? Before long, we’re going to be a nation of doddering, drooling old fools. Hell! We almost elected one president. We’ve simply got to get that life expectancy down to 47, where it was as the nineteenth century drew to a close. We’re a youth culture, and youth has no patience for the elderly. Who needs death panels when we have nature waiting in the wings to do the job for us?

Another problem with health insurance is that everybody gets all fired up over preventative care. Preventive care, my ass! All preventive care does in increase a person’s stress levels.

Look at the suffering caused by the early detection of cancer. The patient’s family is plunged into despair as their love one goes through years of costly chemo, radiation and surgery. And after all that, the poor soul dies anyway.

How much more humane and cost effective it would be to ignore the disease until it is terminal. Then it’s a quick death and exit stage right as the loved one is buried and subsequently forgotten. It’s nice, neat, clean and cheap.

No, Sarah, between health coverage and social security, we’ve become a nation of softies who lack the backbone to shoot wolves from an airplane. Suffering toughens; it builds character; it makes a person mean, and empires, as we all know, are built by bastards. Is it any wonder that ours is on life support

You are our salvation, dear, and it will be your mind and your boobs that will carry us forward into the twenty-first century.

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