Thursday, February 19, 2009

Star Wars

Dear George,

“Weaponized space!”

Doesn’t the idea send your follicles atrembling? Imagine it, a phallic thrust into space as we weaponize the final frontier. We must call it our Chicken-Little Initiative, for the sky will surely fall unless we put our testosterone into orbit.

Lasers. Mirrors. Sophisticated surveillance equipment. I can see it now: two terrorists sitting on a park bench planning their next attack, when Poof!, there’s a blinding flash and a puff of smoke as a well-aimed laser beam reduces the wedding party on the next bench to a pile of smoldering ash.

This is the great thing about the Chicken-Little Initiative; it will never succeed. This means dumping more and more funds down a rathole in order to guarantee a success that is doomed to failure.

Pork, thy name is Chicken Little.

The military-industrial complex is good for another generation or two because Congress is blind to a basic rule of poker: You don’t stay in a game with a lousy hand just because you’ve got money in the pot.

At the same time, our leaders are promoting a healthy mind-set. The purpose of any empty space, be it on earth or above, is as a future home for military hardware. After all, for the paranoid, unfilled space is a threat. The demons of Hell work best in a vacuum, so we must fill all voids with our toys.

We must weaponize the cracked closet door and the space under our beds where monsters lurk, for everything is a threat to our national security, and we must secure it all before it hurts us.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones


Anonymous said...

Case: I'm wondering why we haven't started an intiative to send weapons through time. As absurb as that sounds, I wounld not be surprised if there was a pentagon team working on just that. Think about it,send advanced weapons back into the past in order to win those wars that we lost and change history. Belacqua might be able to accomplish this while partaking of the magic smoke. I wonder if Robert Heinlien hasn't already written a novel. God! I hope I haven't given anybody any ideas.

Case Wagenvoord said...

That would be something: sending nuke back to Hanoi ca. 1968.

Anonymous said...

With the american public focussing on the latest TV craze, I'l bet the sunday morning talking heads would be able to convince them not only is this possible but it would be good for the country and the tax dollars spent would put people back to work.
I guess I don't have much confidence in people having good common sense these days. Anyway todays theme is one that strikes at the hart of our problems. Keep on bloggin I really enjoy them.