The Victory of Financial Thrill Seeking

Poor children can snack on lead paint chips in schools redolent of overflowing sewerage, and through the night ambulances can crisscross the streets of America’s great metropolises looking for emergency room that will accept a patient in cardiac arrest without health insurance, but if stocks go down, the panic buttons really get pushed, especially with a newsmedia so longing to report the stories that the critical upper-income demographic finds interesting and appealing.

Julian Delasantellis


Dear George,

The above is not a simple statement of fact; it is your victory dance. It is an acknowledgement that the force driving America is a series of arcane symbols and numbers dancing across the tickertape. It represents the ascendancy and final victory of the bean counter over our way of life.


Only with a rogue administration such as yours in office would this have been possible. By carrying forth the torch of deregulation, first lit by Ronnie, your administration has let loose the forces of financial anarchy that have driven the DJIA to new and dizzying heights.

You have created an atmosphere in which the American financial system was able to shed the bonds of fiduciary responsible and begin their adrenalin-pumping chase after fees for the sake of fees. To which Wall Street cried, “It’s about fucking time!”

I’m sure the hours you spent sleeping through your MBA classes brought home to you just how boring and inefficient fiduciary responsibility is. To wade through reams of paper and credit reports just to see if a borrower had a snowball chance in hell of repaying a loan wastes time and effort that could be spent chasing after another fee. The banks quickly learned that the way to boost their bottom line was to rubber stamp loans, bundle them, and ship them off to all the suckers waiting for them downstream.

For a generation raised on self indulgence and thrill seeking, fee chasing is an irresistible temptation. The thrill is so intense the practitioner becomes addicted to it even though, in his heart-of-hearts, he knows it is self- destructive behavior that will eventually blow up in his face.

In this respect, he is no different from the pathological liar who lives and thrives on the unbearable tension of being found out, and experiences a rush every time one of his multiple lies escapes detection. I’m sure your deep understanding of the liar’s psychological makeup has guided your hands off approach to the financial joy ride that has brought us to the precipice.

It all gets down to the elevation of private property over social responsibility. Granted, some wild-eyed leftist radicals might suggest that the ownership of corporate property is so diffuse that it is a misnomer to call it private property. But that does not change the fact that in America, private property is of more importance than human life and well-being. This is why drivers are quicker to yield to a fire truck than to an ambulance.

Meanwhile, our financial retards will continue to chase after fees like a mongrel dog sniffing after a bitch in heat. It is a heart-pumping way of doing business. The thrill is not so much in its success as it is in the erotic tension of wondering when it will all unravel.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones