Saturday, May 24, 2008

The NYC school system: a bastion aginst dissent

Dear George,

Doesn’t it just twuddle your toenails when rebellion is crushed the second it appears. Well, hitch your britches up and sit down while I tell you of an inspiring tale that came out of New York City’s South Bronx.

Democracy needs discipline and order to function. Nothing undermines the democratic process like rebellious acts, which are the first step down the slippery slope to a full-scale revolution. Taking the point position in our fight against dissention and disorder is the New York City Board of Education (NYCBOE). It is they who take the children of immigrants and turn them into well-behaved proles who know how to keep their mouths shut.

Immigrants are a destabilizing force. They arrive on our shores with silly ideas and funny customs. Especially dangerous are Hispanic immigrants, all of whom have been tainted by the leftist thought that is endemic to that society.

As you are well aware, education in the United States has but one goal--test the little buggers 'til their brains turn to mush. Chronic testing yields two possible outcomes: either it turns student off learning altogether, or it produces an adult who is a walking encyclopedia of disparate and discrete bits of data that he is unable to synthesize into anything that resembles an original thought. Both outcomes insure a stable society.

I am happy to tell you that the NYCBOE has uncovered a teacher who was trying to subvert this entire system. His name is Douglas Avella. (You will note that his surname is Hispanic. Need I say more?)

Avella is charged with encouraging the entire eighth grade class at a Bronx middle school to stage a peaceful boycott of a three-hour practice exam, which they did. On top of that, the students had the temerity to present a petition to the administration with a list of grievances. Naturally, Avella denies the charge.

It seems the little darlings feel this chronic testing causes them to “lose valuable instructional time with our teachers.”

Well, Principal Maria Lopez wasted no time crushing this outburst. The first thing she did was to yank Avella from the classroom and reassign him to an empty room where the only creatures he can subvert are the cockroaches and rats.

Next, she assembled the entire eighth grade class, mind you not to hash out their grievances, but to find out who was behind the conspiracy. The children must learn that our schools don't educate, they indoctrinate.

Then she issued a letter of reprimand to Avella accusing him of taking “actions [that] caused a riot at the school.” It is a sure sign that we are in a golden age of democracy when a peaceful boycott is redefined as a riot. Had the South employed this strategy during the Birmingham bus boycott, the civil rights movement never would have happened.

Avella signed his death warrant when he made the mistake of saying, “My students know they are welcome in my class to have open discussions. I teach them critical thinking.”

NYCBOE spokesman David Cantor shot right back. “This guy was far over the line in a lot of ways. He was pulled because he was inappropriate with the kids. He was giving them messages [i.e. think critically] that were inappropriate.”

The Belgian songwriter Jacques Brel penned some lyrics that summarize the American school system. You will note that I have suggested a few substitions that purge the lyrics of their francophillic leftism.

It’s the tango of the ages
Little heads bent over pages
In a ring like little sages
Learning Latin[1] by the hour
Drowning dreams with information
‘Till you learn by graduation
It’s you duty to be sour
It’s the dance the priests[2] will lead you
It’s the homilies they will feed you
For the future that will need you
In its endless dance of power.

Tr. © Arnold Johnston, Western Michigan University

Thanks to the quick actions of the NYCBOE, America remains secure and safe. God bless ‘em all, I say

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones

[1] Substitute “Test Taking”
[2] Substitute “Media”


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