Sarah's Crusade

Dear George,

Let’s talk some more about Sarah, that jewel in the crown of right wing fringe thinking. I spoke, yesterday, of the need to increase her crossover appeal, and today I would like to address some specific strategies for making this a reality.

So, lean forward, put your elbows on your desk, knit your brow and concentrate, because we’re going round and round the barn, again.

Our politicians and leaders are fond of saying that America is a Christian nation. They are wrong. America is a Christianist nation. Christians are those who follow the Tao of Jesus of Nazareth and integrate his teachings into their daily life. This is why they are a splinter group that is rarely heard from.

Christianists, on the other hand, practice a Christianism that repositions faith as an ideology by leeching the faith of it mealy-mouth teachings. When a Christianist says turn the other cheek, he means turn the other’s cheek with a fistful of knuckles.

The bottom line is that the Sermon on the Mount makes for pretty hymns, but lousy politics. Christianism is the lusty singing of “Onward Christian Soldiers”; it is an army led by a Jesus pumped full of theological steroids. Christians preach; Christianists kick ass.

Christian love soothes and comforts. It feeds the hungry, clothes the naked and comforts the afflicted. Christianist love is a firestorm that burns away the chaff leaving only the grain. The inquisition had the stake; Christianist America has napalm.

The hands of the Christian heal; the hands of the Christianist are so caked with blood it is impossible to tell where the finger ends and the nail begins.

That, George, is the force that will put Sarah in the White House in 2012. Forget this “Country First” bullshit. It’s “God First” that will get America’s blood up. Let Sarah become the flag bearer for a mighty Crusade that will not rest until it has made the world safe for an American White Male Protestantism that purifies as it destroys.

We are balanced on the abyss of another Great Awakening when Christianism will roll across the world like the Black Death rolled across Medieval Europe. It is a force that will define freedom as ideological purity and will purge all that is not holy and pure.

Nothing redeems a sinner faster than an untimely death.

So, break out your Bible, Big Guy, take off your clothes and get ready to be beamed up to heaven. The End Times, they’re a coming.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones