Monday, March 10, 2008

Sanitizing the Banality of Evil

Dear George,

America finally has her Pravda. It is none other than the newspaper that prints, “All the News your Administration Sees Fit to Print.” Thanks to the gifted writers at The New York Times, your sins become virtue and you incompetence, genius.

I’m sure Condi read you the lead story in the March 9th edition. That’s the one about your vetoing the anti torture bill Congress sent you.

An honest newspaper would have called your veto an act of moral depravity and would have analyzed the impact such a veto would have on world opinion, which now sees the United States as a rogue nation spinning out of control.

Instead they kick off the story with:

President Bush on Saturday further cemented his legacy of fighting for strong executive powers, using his veto to shut down a Congressional effort to limit the Central Intelligence Agency’s latitude to subject terrorism suspects to harsh interrogation techniques.

Your ‘legacy”, George! Have you ever seen evil so beautifully sanitized? “Legacy” is a word that has real class. It paints a picture of old money and exclusive clubs and gives no hint of the fecal matter extruded by the recipients of our hydro therapy. Best of all, you’re “fighting for a strong executive powers,” which is a polite way of saying America needs a dictator because there’s a terrorist in every woodpile.

You put it very well when you asked of your critics, “[W]hich attacks would they have hoped that we wouldn’t have prevented?” It’s a tough call. Do we prevent the attack that is a product of your imagination or mine? Booze rotted you brain, meth is rotting mine. Which of us has the most reliable imagination? The short answer is that both imaginary attacks must be prevented.

The truth is that America needs a strong executive and it has nothing to do with terrorism. A country that is using make believe-money generated by a make-believe economy to fund a war against a make-believe threat needs an authoritarian leader who will suppress and marginalize those foolish enough to suggest that we should transition to a real economy that generates real money with which we can deal with the real domestic problems facing us.

We need a commander in chief, and you are sublimely qualified for the job. The best commanders in chiefs are those with dismal military records. War heroes just don’t cut it. The man who has actually smelled the stench of combat and seen the suffering it leaves in its wake is incapable of the sustained psychotic irrationality that makes total victory possible.

Look at Eisenhower, our greatest war commander, who wimped out when he started fretting about our military-industrial complex. This is why I have my doubts about McCain. Sure, he’s talking the tough talk, but will he walk the tough walk when he’s in office? His combat experience makes it doubtful. Before you know it, he could be sitting down for a round of Texas Hold-em with the Iranians and North Koreans.

No, George, if ever there was a man destined to be our commander in chief, it is you. Your naiveté and innocence, coupled with your frat-boy mentality, guarantees that when there are bombs to be dropped you will drop them with nary a second thought, let alone a first one.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones

5 comments:

azgoddess said...

Have you ever seen evil so beautifully sanitized? ~ perfect words - just perfect

Case Wagenvoord said...

We mustn't forget to deodorize, either.

I am increasingly convinced that there is no dividing line between good and evil. What happens is that good grows until it reaches a tipping point and morphs into evil.

Sanitation is good up to a point, but byeond that, it can become downright oppressive, just a virture can also become an instrument of oppression.

thepoetryman said...

Best of all, you’re “fighting for a strong executive powers,” which is a polite way of saying America needs a dictator because there’s a terrorist in every woodpile.

Ouch!

A country that is using make believe-money generated by a make-believe economy to fund a war against a make-believe threat needs an authoritarian leader who will suppress and marginalize those foolish enough to suggest that we should transition to a real economy that generates real money with which we can deal with the real domestic problems facing us.

Oh my... La La Land...

Before you know it, he could be sitting down for a round of Texas Hold-em with the Iranians and North Koreans.

Hoooooo Agggghhhh!

...you will drop them with nary a second thought, let alone a first one.

This one caused my cigarette to fly out of my mouth! Better than coffee spewing all over the monitor...

Case Wagenvoord said...

I'm glad you've learned you lesson about coffee and keyboards.

thepoetryman said...

Learning the lesson the hard way was, and still remains, my greatest achievment!