A Terminal Solution to America's Healthcare Crisis

Dear George,

The trouble with presidential elections is that they roil the waters. Every four years the public throws a hissy-fit over whatever is plaguing them in the deluded belief that whomever they elect will put things right. They’ve yet to realize that elections are nonevents whose sole function is to give the illusion of a healthy democracy in action.

This time around, the big issue is healthcare; an issue that brings out the worst in the public’s misguided sense of entitlement.

It is a dead albatross hanging from our country’s neck. We are caught in a vicious cycle. As medical costs continue to spiral upward people become more and more frantic about the uninsured while liberals keep coming up with budget-busting plans to provide coverage for every deadbeat in the country.

It is time for you to take bold measures that will solve the problem once and for all with a compassionate and comprehensive plan that will relegate all of the concerns over healthcare and coverage to history’s dustbin.

The reason healthcare is such a so expensive is that people are simply living to goddamn long. The longer they live, the sicker they get, the sicker they get, and the more of a drain on the economy they become. Early diagnosis only exacerbates the problem.

Now is when you, as president, must take a step back, look at the big picture and decide what is best for America.

The truth is, George, there is only one way we can bring healthcare costs down. We must reposition death. Do a cost-benefit analysis and you will see what I am talking about. The per unit cost of a death is much lower than the per unit cost of prolonged healthcare for a chronic condition brought on by excess longevity.

Your message to America must be that the most patriotic thing an citizen can do is die. This is where a massive reeducation program comes in. Drive home the point that no matter what the level of medical care is available, we all die anyway. Why not avoid the pain and expenses involved in medical treatment and simply drift off to never-never land.

Would not the cancer patient live a fuller life if the diagnosis of his disease were delayed until its terminal stage? Think of the years of traumatic chemotherapy he’d be spared. How more joyful would the life of the heart patient if it could be lived without the trauma of open-heart surgery?

By putting a positive spin on death, we would free up precious dollars that could be used for the important job of expanding America’s interests overseas, thus honoring those who die young brave soldiers in the crusade to bring to fruition the American century.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones