Land of the Unreal Real

Dear Barack,

As you prepare to enter office, there are certain realities you will have to deal with. The challenge is that these realities are not manifest. Rather, they are concealed beneath multiple layers of myth, make-believe, fantasy, fables, folk tales, allegories, parables and legends.

In other words, they’re realities nobody pays any attention to because they are convinced they don’t exist.

But they do exist, big time!

The most pernicious of these these myths is the belief that capitalism is a healthy and thriving beast, when in truth, capitalism is dead and rotting on its gurney. For several centuries it’s twisted and turned and contorted and moved this way and that, all in a vain attempt to keep itself alive even as the life slowly drains from it. All has been in vain, and it died shortly after God croaked in the 60s.

However, it makes no difference how dead it is. As long as the corpse farts gold we will keep it on life support.

That will be your greatest challenge, to treat the stiff like it was in its prime. This is what you have a complicit media for, to hype the dead as living.

In a society of consumers, the key to political success is skilled marketing. This is why your predecessor tanked: his marketing skills sucked!

You’ll have a lot of help in this endeavor. For the Beltway, only make believe is real. That’s what makes it the world’s greatest gated community.

In contemporary America, the hacks rule. Without them and their press releases, the country would be ruined.

Worship and honor them, and you can’t go wrong.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones