Upholding the Tradition

My Dear Barack,

I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with a concise statement that would explain the tradition that you are charged with upholding once you are sworn in. You are entering the pantheon of the gods (at least since Ronnie), and it is important that you carry on their work.

There are those on the left who are hoping your will trash these venerable traditions, but I have faith your will uphold them. Under you, it will be business as usual. The only change we can believe in is that it will be conducted with a smile instead of a sneer.

Well, I have found such a statement of principle. Believe it or not, it was written by that flaming Hollywood liberal, John Cusack who said,

A horrible cross-pollination of fundamentalism, dementia and market fever has turned America into a willing enabler of corporate cannibalism. Nothing else to call it when murder is seen as a legitimate extension of economic policy.

Sure, Cusack got a little too judgmental for my taste, but if you pare that away; you have a small nugget of truth.

It takes a rare combination of character and will to bomb women and children for the greater glory of a free and prosperous market. Corporatism is a paradox in that is its growth is grounded in death. Don’t believe for a moment that human sacrifice ended with the Aztecs. It continues today. The only difference is that our high priests have discovered the economy of scale.

The Aztec sacrificed one person at a time on altars high atop their pyramids. We pack the pyramids, asshole-to-belly-button, with the innocent and then reduce the pyramids to rubble with our smart bombs made of depleted uranium. Then we give Halliburton a no-bid contract to construct a new one.

It takes a backbone of steel to rule America, and you must accept the fact that when you leave office, that backbone will be rotted through with corrosion. But that, Barack, is the price you pay for greatness.

My only concern is that you appear too sane for the job. Do yourself a favor and surround yourself with psychopathic advisors. They will teach you the madness you need to lead. Embrace men totally devoid of morality who view decency as a character defect. Do this, and your legacy is assured.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones