Sunday, May 25, 2008

Fighting Peace in the Middle East

Dear George,

I see the Iranians are at it again, trying to ferment peace in the Middle East. They simply can’t leave well enough alone. First there was their 2003 meddling when they sent a peace proposal through Switzerland offering to pull their support for Hezbollah and Hamas, and agreeing to recognize Israel’s right to exist.

The Big Dick did the right thing when he told them to shove it and told the Swiss to mind their own goddamn business.

Now they’re at it again with their “Proposed Package for Constructive Negotiations" that they’ve submitted to the UN Security Council and the Iran Six (the six nations that will decide Iran’s fate),

As expected, you have dismissed it since it didn’t mention the nuclear issues and even if it did you’d still dismiss it because the bottom line is that the last thing the Big Dick wants is a peace settlement with Iran because if we had a peace settlement how in the hell would be ever be able to justify blasting their asses all the way back to the Stone Age, thus making the world safe for democracy and free enterprise.

The bottom line is that superpowers don’t negotiate shit! In a superpower, hubris rules, the very same hubris calcifies the brain and reduces the complexities of the real world to the Manichean simplism of a fantasy world. Rove sank his teeth into a half truth when he said empires create their own reality. The truth is, we create our own fantasy, and our greatest fantasy is that we are invincible.

We are what we think we are, and if we aren’t then we will destroy ourselves proving that we are.

There was one sentence in the Iranian package that should set every alarm bell in the Beltway aringing, and that is Iran’s proposal to fight “poverty in less developed countries and to reduce the divide between social classes.”

The bastards are a bunch of Islamomarxists! It’s the Cold War all over again! That means we’ve got to ink more defense contracts less we allow a missile gap to open up between us and the Iranians.

Happy days are here again!

Wander down to the Big Dicks underground tomb and ask him if this newest peace offer isn’t provocation enough to show Tehran a little shock and awe. We cant' afford to have peace breaking out in the Middle East.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones


Unknown said...

"Ferment" is an interesting word but I suspect you really mean "foment." as promote or support.

Case Wagenvoord said...

Actually, the secondary meaning of ferment is "to incite, stir up." And since something is definiitely rotten over there, I decided to go with it.