It's Here!

Dear George,

Well, it’s here at last, that day when the proles tumble into democracy’s sandbox and pretend they’re free citizens casting a free vote that will actually change something.

It’s a quadrennial sham that keeps pundits gainfully employed as they prattle on and on about anything and everything as long as it has nothing to do with any substantive issues.

This year’s campaign is different in one respect in that even though you have spent eight years totally fucking up America by turning it into a giant pork barrel for your cronies, the media really hasn’t raked you over the coals. Your Middle East quagmires are barely mentioned, and your name never comes up in discussions of our trashed economy

Your innocence is assured because you have become a nonperson.

But, you played your role well as a front man for the rabid ideologues who wanted to make America the New Rome and in the process have made her the New Haiti.

I’ve been doing my part for the cause by registering as many voters as I can. Believe me, I’m dead certain these voters will go for you.

However, I do have to get down to the county clerk’s office and make a few corrections. Flee-Fornication Smyth was born in 1986, not 1686, and Jebediah Johnson was born in 1980, not 1780.

The lesson there is don’t register graveyards whilst stoned.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones

P.S. I assume you have all your ducks in a row should the election go the wrong way.