The Robustization of the American Male

Dear George,

Henry Paulson really turns me on.

Well, it is not Paulson, per se, but his choice of words. On January 22, 2008, he appeared on CBS’s “The Early Show” and in discussing the proposed economic stimulant plan (an upper for Wall Street), proclaimed, “What President Bush believes is that we’ve got to do something that is robust© (emphasis mine)."

The turn-on in that otherwise dull statement was a single word: robust©. If one word sums up the remasculization of America that started with Ronnie’s ascension, that is it. That word is our redemption and marks the reassertion of male authority after being locked in the woodshed when the Sixties exploded.

The Sixties released a Pandora’s Box of evils such as peace, love, community and the Age of Aquarius. But the greatest evil it released was feminism. All of a sudden men were treated like brutes just because we started wars, slaughtered natives and murdered civil rights workers. Mothers took toy guns away from their little boys and forced them to read Charlotte’s Web. Men were encouraged to turn off the football game and touch their feminine side.

What was the result of all of this touchy-feely bullshit? We were driven out of Vietnam, our bad-ass reputation took a major hit, we started negotiating arms control treaties, and defense spending was cut. All-in-all, we wimped out and started playing nice with the commies.

It was a sordid state of affairs until Ronnie descended from the heavens and redeemed us. Once again, the commies were the Evil Empire, defense spending went through the roof, and we resumed our slaughter of natives in Latin America. Under his leadership, America was once again a robust© country. Men came out of the woodshed and started kicking ass again. The Equal Rights Amendment went down in flames and bile became the order of the day as legions of Angry White Males™ flashed their hard-ons to the nation and began dismantling the welfare state that had been allowed to grow like a cancer.

It was, indeed, Mourning in America as America got her balls back by invading postage stamp countries like Grenada and Panama. God, did we show them! Now, the only feminine side a man wasn’t to touch is the one between a wench’s legs, because we were robust© and thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, our hard-ons are throbulating again.

Continue the legacy, Big Guy. Finish what Ronnie started and make us into a nation of Angry White Males™ who will show the world what empire is all about even as we turn America into a manly police state where wimpy, peace-loving leftists are shipped off to the nearest summer camp for some robust© reeducation.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones