Very God of Very God, begotten but...Oh, what the hell!

Dear George,

Many are the consultants advising 2008’s presidential candidates. Republican consultants tell them how to win; Democratic consultants tell them how to lose. However, the 2008 campaign is unusual in that both parties are sharing a single consultant—God.

America is a country founded by God, directed by God, driven by God and led into combat by God. This is because the American God is a unique God. Here is no universal God of love. Rather, the American God is first and foremost a ward heeler who is responsible for turning out the vote. God mans phone banks, stuffs envelopes and keeps the coffee pot full at campaign headquarters.

America is America because of her ability to keep God distracted so America can ass-fuck the world with impunity.

God is also a demagogue who stirs up the bigotry that has traditionally given the Republicans their electoral edge. God sounds the alarm over Muslims and Latinos who are corrupting the purity of good old, down home American bloodlines. God builds walls and breaks up families by deporting undocumented family members. He raids the workplace and incarcerates illegals indefinitely. God loves Black Holes and water boards; He gives his blessing to disappearers who disappear the disappeared. He gets off on bombed brown skins. His altar is piled high with the broken bodies of women and children who were too stupid to get out of the way of His falling cluster bombs.

This is because the God of America is not really God. He is a demigod named Jehovah who is long on power tripping and vengeance, but short on compassion and love. We pay lip service to the loving God of the New Testament, but it is Jehovah whom we call on when things get dicey.

This is the God invoked by every candidate for president. This is the God they pray to and honor. As long as they worship this God, America will be in good hands no matter who wins the election.

So, drop down on your knees George, and offer up a prayer of thanksgiving. Without Him, you’d be in the defendant’s docket at the International Criminal Court in The Hague.

Your admirer,
Belacqua Jones